the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
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