No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Randomize
