I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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