I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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