3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize