Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
