As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
