They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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