The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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