Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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