just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
