i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I want a musical about memes.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
