got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
My ass is underappreciated
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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