Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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