She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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