i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
