I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
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