You work out of a Hotel?
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
