You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I just found puke in my bra..
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize