Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
