i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
