I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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