I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
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