Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
