Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
