im holly from the hills drunk
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
