i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Randomize
