If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I just threw up on my dentist
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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