he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize