I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
You're like the curious george of whores
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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