Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Swine flu. Run for my life!
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
