i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
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