wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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