shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I need to align my fucking chakras
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