If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
