Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Randomize
