my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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