Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
