YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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