So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Randomize
