I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I am available for nakedness
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
