i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
