he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
