You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Randomize
