whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
we should paint friendship bongs
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
