hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
