Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
