Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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