fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
