the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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