would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Randomize
