I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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