im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
