I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize