Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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