idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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