i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
