is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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