I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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