bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
