I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
