I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Is Oprah even human
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
