My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
